95% guaranteed cynicism.

How the ninety five percent guarantee works. You're being sold something that is 95% guaranteed to work.

You are 95% guaranteed to not know that what you are being sold doesn't work at all.

There is a five percent chance that you will find one other person for whom the product also did not work. There is a ninety five percent chance that you will not find every other person who purchased the product and for whom the product also never worked.

So, when someone guarantees anything to work ninety five percent of the time, expect it not to work, and don't expect to find anyone for whom it did.